Blog Series- The Price Of Being Pink
The price of being pink- A girls journey through the price of being a woman- emotional, Spiritual, and ECONOMIC.
The bloody truth.
Whether she's 9, or 13, or 16, every girl remembers her first period. We remember fifth grade, going into the end of the year "body talk", where we watch the school nurse tell us that some of us probably already have it, -cue nervous looks around the room-. We remember watching a video about how periods were completely normal and should BY NO MEANS affect how we performed our everyday lives. We were told not to consider tampons for a really long time. We recall leaving that uncomfortable nine am class, with Always-TM- sponsored pads in our hands, a single one, as if that meant anything. We remember glancing across the hall to see the boys flaunting new axe deodorant. We threw our pads in our locker.
Girls mature before boys, and that's great, but we're also expected to know exactly whats going on from the age of 8 or 9. Were expected to shut up about our periods, except for around the hushed lunch table. When we grow up, we pay once a month to look normal in public, and make it seem as if nothing is going on. Nonetheless, tampons and pads are taxed with a "value added tax", when periods are one of the first ACTUAL "necessities" girls encounter.
Socially, periods are so highly misrepresented. Girls in tampon commercials wear white dresses on the beach, and any real girl will tell you that that is unfeasible. One week a month, girls experience at least one period disaster, from unexpectedly getting it, or not having the products she needs. Guys ask girls, "is it your time of the month?" when they speak out or defend themselves, and they're conditioned to behave this way. To remedy this, girls huddle together and talk hush hush about their bodies. A thirteen year old feels more comfortable telling her french teacher than her boyfriend, or biological brother, about her period.
But what can you do? If you're a girl, you make it normal. Find friends who get it, and don't shame you. When you're sitting during play practice, in a group of a few guys and your best girl friends, turn to your best friend and say, "Hey, do you have any Tylenol? Cramps are really sucking right now." Say it out loud. If you're the best friend, you say "totally! same here." If don't have to be a social justice superhero to make change little by little. If you're a guy, you listen to your friend in play practice ask for Tylenol, and say, "oh I have some in my locker, need any water?" You stop giving in to BS beliefs about periods, and you help anyway you can. You're not her guardian angel, you don't need to die for her, but you just... listen, as if she had a headache or was nauseous. A simple, "that must really suck. do you need anything?" can go a long way.
Next week, I'll be blogging about the high social expectations for women physically, and the costs that accompany them.
-CHALLENGE- This week, to celebrate national women's history month, write a note to an important woman in your life, and tell her how much she's influenced you positively.
at least you're covered up
I walked up to the counter to order at the cafe. I ordered the same drink every week, chocolate milk. As I waited, the cashier asked me what my shirt meant. Happy to tell her, I said "its standing out against sexual abuse!" She replied, with a little giggle, "well, at least you're covered up."
If a guy wore a shirt speaking out about how we should do something about homelessness, nobody would tell him, "well, at least you've got a house". Even he most feminist people can make this mistake when talking about sexual abuse or rape. When we say, "at least you're covered up," or "she just was careless, that's why", we are essentially saying, "at least he won't rape you", or "sorry for her but better her than you". Women like the one at the cafe didn't mean any harm, usually, but they are subtly saying that assault is a survival of the fittest situation- that as long as we cover up, don't leave our drink, and walk in pairs, we'll be ok- and anyone who doesn't is ignorant.
Frankly, assault or harassment is not preventable solely by clothing or walking in pairs. We live in a society where there's a culture of abuse and rape right before our eyes. When we let things like gendered dress codes and songs objectifying women as objects go, we create that culture. Abuse, rape, harassment, and toxic masculinity go hand in hand, and we as a society create that. We ask our 4 year old sons who his girlfriend is when we see them walk together. We tell 3rd grade girls that the boy who snapped the strap of her training bra today "just likes her!" This makes girls and boys alike belief that harassment=love, when that is less than true, and causes young girls and even boys to set themselves in abusive relationships earlier. When older girls say no to sex or sexual activity, they're instantly prudish, or old fashioned. If, however, a girl has as much sex as she IS allowed to choose, she is considered a slut, or hoe, or whore. Girls can hardly be anything without criticism, being called basic or wierd.
We as a culture also have tons of BS "rules" that further blur the consensual and acceptable lines. We tell our sons that if a girl turns him down for the middle school dance, she is playing "hard to get". From a girl, right here, right now, I'm going to tell you that no sixth grade girl is ever playing hard to get. They're playing "no thank you! im going with Emma and Kayla!" Furthermore, the girls won't be wearing makeup to that school dance, and do you know why? Their parents wont let them. Do you know why? They don't let them because it makes them look "older than they are", and if you look a little older, you might be seen as ripe enough to take advantage of. You might seem like you're 15, not 12, and as many boys know, 15 years is basically 18 and 18 is legal. A 25 year old can go out with whomever they want, as long as "she's legal", because she must want it then. We aren't worried about desire, but legality. Its not these girls parents fault, they truly have concern about the makeup, but they shouldn't HAVE to have that concern, and that is the root issue.
So, what do i do? If you're a guy, you shut down these norms, rules, and toxicity in your own mind. You let girls say no, and you let them know that they have that option. You, like any other feminist, can participate in rallies, debates, and conversations about the rights and social equity/equality between women, men, and others. It's also important to speak out within groups of guy friends, whether any girls are around or not. It shows that these sexist comments or norms are never okay. ALWAYS practice enthusiastic consent with your partner.
If you're a girl, you remind yourself and others not to be afraid of seeming different by standing up for yourself. KNow what you are worth, and talk to friends who you're concerned for. If you're in a relationship, respect consent just as you would expect them to for you. Remember, feminism is an equalizer- you cannot expect consent or civility and not provide it.
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*CHALLENGE*
Practice consent this week by asking your friend or family member, "can I have a hug?" rather than just hugging them. This works with many things, and builds a mutual respect.
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These girls are 13. Theyre sitting on a couch. It is tuesday night. Theyre laughing as a leader behind the camera makes funny faces at them. The girl in the purple regards this as one of the happier moments in her life. If they were sitting on the couch in the school foyer, theyd be sent to the princapals office. You didnt notice their shorts? Oh, thaats right, theyre smiling. Screw that, those are cargo shorts, too seductive.
